It’s getting to me. The lockdown, the gyms shuttering, the lack of social life, the consequential isolation is taking a toll. With the end of 2020, it felt optimistic to think that as the new year arrives, maybe just maybe things may start to normalize. I do still believe that we are moving towards the end of this tribulation and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I also believe that there is a way to manage being in the tunnel for as extensive as the tunnel may be. But I would be lying if I said I was coping perfectly or even close to my capability.
There are days when even the simplest tasks feel like the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. My creativity is being affected and even putting together a simple image or post is a struggle at times. The hardest part is knowing that there are others who are having just as a tough if not tougher time as me. Thankfully, I do have outlets. I have projects that even though they are at times a struggle to work on, I still have something to focus on.
Then I know that if I’m not feeling the creativity or drive to do any work or activity that if I do nothing, I will feel even worse. It can feel like a spiral a sort of cyclical cloud of events that can continue to turn and turn without a break through which the sun will be visible.
What’s troubling is that I was ready for this. I knew from 2020 that this new year was going to continue in virtually the same way. I am still ready for this. I wrote as such in my new year post. While I’m dealing with it in my own personal way and putting on a brave face, I didn’t think it would be fair to cover over or hide the fact that it is running tough.
Knowing that things were going to be relatively the same for the at least the start of this year and probably even most of it, has helped me mentally prepare for it. I’ve set myself weekly fitness targets that I make sure to keep such as going for a run a minimum of four times a week. They have been helpful. I even did some weight training in the snow. I’m sticking to my diet and healthy habits. I’m doing what I can to not let it all get out of my control. It’s taken a lot of practice and self-discipline to get to this point. But even with all this it’s tough.
Even writing this is actually giving me a headache. Life has been turned on its head and no matter the preparation, it’s still upside down. I am thankful that I have these years of conditioning and some things to focus on that do make it tolerable and workable. I can’t even imagine how tough it is for others.
My overwhelming thoughts here are that it’s going to continue to be tough and that many are going through this tough time simultaneously. It’s a time when you don’t have to be achieving at full potential, if you’re feeling rough. It’s okay to be feeling overwhelmed and it’s just as important to express this and what you’re feeling and going through.
I feel it’s important I put this into words because even while I have my way of dealing with my challenges, it’s tough. And some of my previous pieces are focused on staying strong and positive or working a way to get through it. I want to express that it’s not my intention to convince you that if you’re not pushing yourself, you’re not doing it right. I want to express that while we don’t want to feel this way, it is okay to glide through it rather than feel that you have to push yourself to your maximum or even at any level that feels like too much.
Don’t focus on what others are doing or how they are spending their time. It’s often the different elements in our lives that churn up into a ball of struggle when something like this is put in front of us. We see no way that all the pieces will fall back together. Feeling this way is part of it. Don’t feel pressured or even put any extra pressure on yourself if you feel you can’t. And most importantly, please reach out to someone who you can talk to if you are feeling overwhelmed.