A Gym Is No Place for This Behavior—Ever

Something happened at the gym the other day that I hope never happens again. It was one of those moments that I really wish wouldn’t happen, and I want to talk about it because this kind of behavior has no place anywhere, let alone in a space where people are trying to improve themselves. I never want to see it again, and I certainly will not laugh or partake in it. There is never a reason to insult someone, especially if it’s unprovoked.

Here’s what happened.

A few benches away from me, I noticed a guy chatting with a young woman. He looked smug, almost proud of himself, while she looked crestfallen, her shoulders slumping as if the weight of his words had physically pressed down on her. I knew both of them. He was a regular at the gym, someone I occasionally talked sports with. She had been coming more recently, and we had exchanged a few words here and there. She’s asked me about different exercises a few times in the past.

When he came over to me, grinning like he had just done something impressive, I had no idea what was coming. Then he told me what he had said to her. And I couldn’t believe it. He had insulted her. Out of nowhere. For no reason. And now, he was expecting me to join in on his little celebration of smugness.

I didn’t hold back. I told him off immediately. I asked him why he thought I would ever find what he did funny or worth celebrating. His smug expression faltered, but not enough. It wasn’t sinking in.

I walked away, still fuming. But when I got to the other side of the gym, I saw her again. And she was practically in tears.

That was it for me. I turned right back around and confronted him again. I couldn’t let it go. How could someone be so casually cruel? What goes through a person’s mind when they decide, unprovoked, to tear someone down? The gym is supposed to be a place where people push themselves, grow, and support one another. Not a place for bullying. Not a place for this.

I train at a different time than these people most of the week, so I don’t always see the aftereffects of situations like this. But later, I ran into another gym-goer who had been there that day. He told me he also couldn’t believe what happened and was equally disgusted by it. Then he added something that saddened me: the girl was still coming to the gym, but now she was wearing more layers and keeping to herself more.

That broke my heart. This was someone who had been making progress, who had been open and engaged, asking questions and working hard. And now, because of one person’s nasty words, she was withdrawing, hiding, possibly questioning whether she belonged there at all.

The irony is that before all this happened, I had actually complimented her. I had told her that she was doing well, that she looked stronger since the last time I saw her. And I meant it. Her progress was visible, and it was great to see. Yet, right after I had lifted her up with a genuine observation, someone else had come along and tried to tear her down for no reason at all.

If you’ve ever been in the gym—or any environment, really—you’ve probably seen how intimidating it can be for some people, especially those who are just starting out. It takes courage to walk into that space and push yourself in ways that aren’t always comfortable. The last thing anyone needs is to be insulted or made to feel unwelcome.

Let me be absolutely clear: This kind of behavior is unacceptable. No one should have to deal with insults when they are just trying to better themselves. And if you ever witness something like this, I urge you not to stay silent. Speak up. Let people know that this is not okay. A gym should be a place of motivation, support, and respect. It should never be a place where someone feels ashamed or embarrassed just for showing up and trying.

To anyone reading this who has ever felt out of place in the gym, know this: You belong there. Keep going. Keep pushing. And don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t.